Willingness

https://tracycochran.org/2016/09/06/determination/

I found this week's Awakin reading below and the piece that it was excerpted from above to be something I definitely want to revisit and be inspired by to fail again and fail better. Interestingly enough, for me the failing involves giving in to temptations and fears...and cutting myself slack for doing so...  I'm going to sit with the imperfection of how this contradicts the 1st two paragraphs below...

Touching the Earth
by Tracy Cochran

[Listen to Audio!]

In the great myth of the Buddha’s journey, there comes a point when he is completely overwhelmed. As he sits meditating under the Bodhi tree, the devil Mara sends temptations to distract him from the wish of his deepest essence. Mara flashes images of the Buddha as a great leader, as a huge success in business with mountains of money, surrounded by beautiful women. He shows the Buddha that he can make India great again if he would just give up his quest to awaken, and get up and do something. The Buddha will not move.

When temptation doesn’t work, Mara tries fear, conjuring visions of terrible armies howling for his blood. These armies are external and also internal, legions of anxieties and fears. But the Buddha does not flinch. Slowly, he reaches down and touches the earth. The classical explanation is that he is asking the Earth itself to bear witness to his many life times of effort. Not his blinding brilliance or his unique talent, mind you, but his effort, his perseverance, his willingness to show up no matter what. His willingness to fail and fail again. “Ever tried. Ever failed,” writes Beckett. “No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.” The Buddha understood what the Christian author G.K. Chesterton meant when he wrote, “Everything worth doing is worth doing badly. “

Touching the Earth symbolizes humility, coming down out of our thoughts, out of the busy hive of ego, to join the rest of life. The Latin word humus, the rich living earth, is related to the word humility. When difficulty arises, it creates a clearing in the deadening trance of habit. We remember that what really matters is not the list of worries and desires we spend so much time thinking about every day. What matters is much more essential. Being alive, for example. Taking part in life, having a chance to give and receive in the most elemental ways, taking in the beauty of the world and giving back where we can.

At moments when the ground gives way beneath our feet, it’s good to remember the power of touching the earth, descending from our racing thoughts and fears to an awareness of the present moment. When words fail, we can sometimes discover a new voice and a new kind of determination. We can rise up rooted, like trees.

About the Author: Tracy Cochran is editorial director of Parabola magazine. She has practiced meditation for decades,  and is a teacher at the New York Insight Meditation Center and the founder of Tarrytown Insight, a weekly meditation group in Westchester, New York. The reading above was excerpted from her blog on determination.

Positive statements I came up with

This is depression thinking. This is not me.

I can be with this. I want to learn how to be with this.
I want to remember to breathe.
I can breathe deeply.

I can be kind to myself.
I can encourage myself.
I feel better.

What does it want to be. It's not about forcing it to be something.
It's not about making things good. It's not about making things bad. It's about just seeing them as they are.
I can't know.
I don't know.
I am open.

It feels daunting, but I can take little steps and cheer myself on along the way
and give myself a break when I, of course, make choices I'm not happy with.

It's not that the sun has gotten dimmer. It just looks that way. Tom: That's because of things that your inner child is angry about or scared about.

It's not about them. It's about the work I need to do with myself.

Give you a reason why they're right, and we're too young to see the flaw in it.
logical and convincing

His mom was trying desperately to believe his dad because she was trying to save the marriage

Explaining why they were right all the time. But, they weren't. They were wrong.
Now that I'm grown up, I can parent myself differently.

I don't want to just keep on doing things the way I tend to.
I don't want to blame myself.
Everything couldn't possibly be my fault.

I can give myself a break.
I can say that it's totally understandable
Of course it is, of course it is.
It all makes sense, Leeann, it does, it does.
It wasn't fair, and I can stop doing it to myself over and over again.


It's not all so hard.


I amaze me.
I can see the beauty in things.

This could be the start of something new.
I want to get better.
I can find things that work for me.



I can tell myself different stories.
I can imagine myself having different experiences.

Let me at least do less suffering.
I can surrender.
I can be curious.
How interesting...

I can have fun.
Try thinking it's fun to be me.
Try saying I don't want to do it that way without the extra charge.

I can collect positive statements.
I can collect content.

Serenity Prayer

I'd like to memorize this complete version of the Serenity Prayer, so I thought I'd post it here.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to
change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Grant me patience with the changes that take time, appreciation of all
that I have, tolerance of those with different struggles, and strength
to get up and try again, one day at a time.

Freedom and eventual relief from being unduly influenced by uncertainty

I encourage you to either sit or lay down, and try to feel the uncertainty in your body. Let it swirl and feel like something could go wrong. You can't make the feelings go away, but you can resist them dragging you around. It's more about freedom than relief, although that comes in good time too.