Serenity Prayer

I'd like to memorize this complete version of the Serenity Prayer, so I thought I'd post it here.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to
change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Grant me patience with the changes that take time, appreciation of all
that I have, tolerance of those with different struggles, and strength
to get up and try again, one day at a time.

Freedom and eventual relief from being unduly influenced by uncertainty

I encourage you to either sit or lay down, and try to feel the uncertainty in your body. Let it swirl and feel like something could go wrong. You can't make the feelings go away, but you can resist them dragging you around. It's more about freedom than relief, although that comes in good time too.

Not in my control

Things to repeat to myself:

This may or may not make something worse.  I have less control over that than I think I do.

My life is worth more than futzing with little stuff.

This may or may not work.  I'm going to tolerate what it's like to not do as much as I possibly can to guarantee the outcome.

NVC and Crocker's research on Egosystem and Ecosystem goals

Here's an email I sent in response to emailing my Nonviolent Communication community about Clean Talk (with the text from my previous blogpost which elicited a reply that I responded to with this blogpost):

You used the word "ecology" in your reply, and that got me thinking about a talk I went to by Jennifer Crocker where I learned about remarkable effects her research found with first semester college students and the goals they set for themselves weekly...and the effects they found include effects on goal progress on learning-oriented achievement goals, self-regulation, and decreased symptoms of depression and anxiety...

I hadn't thought about NVC and this talk before in the same breath. There's good reasons to be looking to hold the space for everyone's needs getting met...and I'm now seeing that some of those reasons are backed up by solid research... 

Here are the two categories of goals that they looked at.

Egosystem motivational perspective based on self-image goals

Based on broad range of self-oriented goals related to constructing, maintaining, enhancing, and defending self- images.

Ecosystem motivational perspective based on compassionate (contribution) goals

Motivation focused on what one wants to give, contribute, or create for others and for the self.

Here's what their research found.

People with compassionate goals feel clear and connected, cooperative, close, and have less conflict. They experience increased social support, trust, learning-oriented achievement goals, self-regulation, and goal progress, and decreased symptoms of depression and anxiety. Compassionate goals help people see the resources that are already available to them, and create more resources. People with self-image goals feel afraid, confused, and competitive, lonely, and have more conflict.

If you want to read more about what they found...the above excerpt is from the end of the article that you can go to with this URL that takes you straight to the section near the end of the article (Note you can chop off the last bit starting with the # if you want to go to the beginning of the article): https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3017354/#S12title

Here are the components of clear and connected vs afraid and confused that they measured and then did factor analysis on:
clear and connected (comprising peaceful, connected to others, cooperative, loving, clear, present, empathic, and engaged; α = .91), and afraid and confused (comprising fearful, ambivalent/conflicted, pressured, distracted, confused, critical, isolated, and competitive; α = .90).

Leeann

Clean Talk

Just learned about something similar to NVC called Clean Talk. It has
4 channels, so instead of OFNR, here are it's four channels...and you
can start anywhere with the channels in any order...

1. Feeling/Emotions
2. Data/Facts
3. Assessments/Judgments - I think... or How I'm perceiving things is
.... or My story is... -  it is merely what you find yourself
thinking. The key to this channel is to own these as your assessments
rather than stating them as fact or feeling
4. Wants/Requests - could be in terms of values and/or needs - helpful
to think in terms of wanting Data to go different, with either an
action of acknowledgment vs. having the story go different.

I find it interesting to have the Assessments/Judgments/My story is...
channel. I'm thinking it will help me to make more room for Jackal
language...like to admit to it in myself...or to admit that I'm
worried about how other people could speak in Jackal to me... (Or
maybe it's hard for me to figure out what my needs might be...and this
gives me a way to get at things without having to name my
needs...which could be a disadvantage to Clean Talk because maybe I
could really benefit from learning to have more ability to access what
my needs are.)

So, I'm quite interested in experimenting with Clean Talk...

Addendum:
-It's often helpful to reality test the Data/Facts you present. For example, Is that what you meant? What did you actually mean to communicate? 
-I'm noticing it could also be helpful to ask questions about the Data/Facts that get at the other person's perceptions of them.
-I was told that it can be helpful to request (and may need to interrupt and do so) that the other person take more ownership with their Assessments/Judgments/Perceptions, e.g., by saying I don't want this to be about your take on what this means about me, can you instead please talk in terms of your feelings and needs with this?

Structured Time Timers

Audio files for timers for taking regular 2 minute breaks

Taking 2 minute breaks either every 10 minutes or every 20 minutes has totally changed my life for the better. It's helpful to me that the breaks are contained, and 2 minute time periods have been a great container for taking a meditation break, or get up and stretch break, etc.

To download the mp3s in this blogpost, click on the button in the upper right hand corner of the screen after you click on the links below.

- The quickest and simplest way to give taking regular 2 minute breaks a try is to use this combined-into-one mp3. It is for taking 2 minute breaks every 20 minutes. It is just over an hour long, with three 20 minute time periods and two 2 minute breaks.
https://www.dropbox.com/s/fu5dgaa5xp5agw0/StructuredTime20min-2min.mp3?dl=0

- I particularly like finding out when I'm at the halfway point in the 20 minute time periods. So, here's an alternative combined-into-one mp3 that's the same as the previous one except that, at the 10 minute mark, there is an announcement that 10 minutes have passed, and there are 10 minutes left.
https://www.dropbox.com/s/ddhkmu9a7hkqh6v/StructuredTime20-2-10minAnnounced.mp3?dl=0

If you want to make playlists for more than an hour long, or for taking 2 min breaks every 10 minutes instead of 20, you can use the following mp3s. My playlists have multiple copies of the mp3s, but you can also just set your playlist on repeat.

- This mp3 simply begins with an announcement that this is the beginning of a 2 minute time period and ends with 1 bell after 2 minutes of silence have elapsed.
https://www.dropbox.com/s/d9ldecdh4xs7uqk/2min.mp3?dl=0

- This mp3 simply begins with an announcement that this is the beginning of a 10 minute time period and ends with 3 bells after 10 minutes of silence have elapsed.
https://www.dropbox.com/s/29lizkitoaocwvu/10min.mp3?dl=0

- This mp3 is the same as the 10 minute one except it is for a 20 minute time period.
https://www.dropbox.com/s/i7373f0rut6gin1/20min.mp3?dl=0

- This mp3 is also for a 20 minute time period. But for this one, at the 10 minute mark, there is an announcement that 10 minutes have passed, and there are 10 minutes left.
https://www.dropbox.com/s/jvrw8kv42wbw2pj/20-10minAnnounced.mp3?dl=0

Acting out of silence is meditation

Who would I be if I weren't engaged in all my shenanigans? How can I get to see who I would be? The excerpts below speak to that for me. It shows me a way to not just react but respond skillfully...by seeing if can drop the storyline by interrupting things and experimenting with some silence...seeing if that can help me to respond skillfully instead of reacting...

Excerpts from: http://www.awakin.org/read/audio.php?op=play&tid=2093
"Minimizing in daily life the frequency, the duration and the field of mental activity and living in silence, acting out of that silence is meditation. This meditation, this silence, has got a tremendous momentum of its own…You do not have to do a thing. You are not there: the ego, the mind, is not there. What happens in that silence? How does that silence move? It is something to be experimented with."

"Meditation is watching the movement of mind in relationship. If you try to force the mind into silence by withdrawing from activity, you will never understand what silence is…There is a great beauty when one discovers what silence in action is. Meditation is a new approach to total life, it does not demand of you any isolation."

The 2nd paragraph led me to think that there's a contradiction between it and the 1st paragraph...but I don't think so anymore now that I've thought about it more... I think it's saying to bring meditation into daily life...incorporate it in...like I've done with my 2 min meditation breaks...

Here's a post that has download links for mp3s of timers that you can use to facilitate taking 2 minute meditation breaks regularly:
http://e-a-s-e.blogspot.com/2016/01/mindfulness-handout.html