What I want to confront

Whatever causes the most anxiety, whatever is the thing I most want control over. These are the things I want to confront.

I've been working through how I want to be using the ratings I'm being asked to give my anxiety levels here at the Houston OCD Program. These ratings are called SUDS, Subjective Units of Distress.

1 - 3 Mild
4 - 7 Moderate
8 - 10 High

It seems like it'll be helpful to keep in mind the helpful guidance that you see above in italics. So, things that are TOO IMPORTANT!!!! definitely fall under the category of things I most want control over. Not wanting to be party to the spread of Molluscum is an example of that. So, how do I confront this thing?

[Molluscum (Water warts) is something that my 5 year old has on different parts of his body for 3 months now that can last for months to years and is itchy for him.]

Okay, so when I'm concerned about it, my SUDS are super high. The goal is to have things be more No Big Deal. So, one goal is to be able to go about tasks where I'm anxious about Molluscum with lower SUDS. Another goal is to not be over the top about the measures I take to prevent the spread of Molluscum.

So, perhaps one route* to achieving these goals is to write scripts about the spread of Molluscum and use them to get to a point where I can hold the idea of preventing its spread more lightly rather than with a death grip with the idea that it must be prevented at all costs.

I don't want to be unduly influenced by my anxiety. I want to be able to hold its concerns more lightly.

Perhaps, with SUDS, it might be easiest for me to rate things based on the degree to which I am feeling unduly influenced by my anxiety.

If I'm not being unduly influenced then I'll be able to go about things from a settled place. If I am, then "Ahhhh Ahhhh" is the energy that I'll be bringing to things. The gesture that goes with "Ahhhh Ahhhh" for me is waving my hands in front of my shoulders. So, my SUDS can be ratings of how much of that energy I've brought to what I've experienced.

Another thing I could do is rate things based on how able to be with a values-driven approach to things and to be more process-oriented.

Another thought is to think in terms of tonglen...

Yet another thought is to think in terms of how able I am to resist doing what my OCD bully is saying I must do...or how easy it is to shrug off the thing I wish weren't so.

*It's about being able to experience feeling super anxious about it without giving in and doing what would make me feel less anxious. One route to getting there is to spend time hanging out with high levels of anxiety about it while trying to dial the anxiety up with the goal of habituating to it.